Serendipity: things happen for a reason
I know I look like the typical happy go lucky person, but inside there is a wealth of feelings that even words cannot describe how I feel at times. Nobody really says what they feels all the time. My mind is a truly terribly horrific place to be.
Creo que I have abandonment/separation issues. Maybe i'm overemotional, oversentimental, overthinking and overanalysing things. You know how some times things/incidents go unnoticed and forgotten for a while, and then when several consequential incidents that aroused the feelings all over again, you get bombarded with these intense overwhelming feelings. I think being older and wiser has got something to do with it as well. Older; being more in touch with emotions and all.
Exactly one week ago, we said goodbye to the two terrapins that has been at my house for quite some time. About 7-8 years if i'm not mistaken. Terrapins are pets, but unlike dogs and cats, i don't think anyone names their tortoises?! At least not at my place, we don't. But they've been part of the living room for so long it feels real weird without seeing them in their tub and occasionally making a ruckus and humping each other.
The decision to let them go was an abrupt but i think rather conscious one. Ethics always enter into the picture when it comes to making these decisions; let them return to the nature where they belong versus let them stay in a cushy environment where they get fed and washed routinely but in a contained home. It was sad to say the least when i watched them go, along with my brother, two cousins, my parents and my grandma. One of the two terrapins were so eager to go and explore that you kinda have to feel happy for it. The other one on the other hand was quite reluctant not to go. It even tried to turn back but my father pushed fate. Perhaps that night i was the only one who wondered if they might get stuck in the canals or the tall grasses. But thankfully it was raining heavily enough that if nothing they would be drifting in the current. I sincerely hope the best for them. Not that I'll ever see them again.
In another two days' time, Amy's gonna leave for her home and end her employment at my house. My life is a revolving door of maids (no derogatory remarks meant and no not gloating in any way, this is just life as it is in my shoes) ever since I was borne. One can even say to the extent that the only constant in my life was the one-in-two-years change in my environment. I can remember two years ago when i went to the airport and sent the previous maid home. But how sad is it that i can't remember her name? And the names of all the maids that have ever worked at my place? My memories have no names, just people without faces. And they say people are a product of their environment. What does that say about me?
It's always sad to see someone go. How do you say goodbye to someone who's been in your life for two years (nearly), taking care of your needs, caring for you... how do you say goodbye to someone who's always been there even on days when your parents aren't? The awkward beginnings, the lukewarm ice melting and the finally comfortable to be around with stages. So many memories. When they're gone, it's like the years just disappear and you're left with wondering how is it that space just becomes blank, a clean blank slate. It's prolly explains why i'm a hogger. Anyway i did what i do best, ignore the pink elephant in the room. My personal motto being, ignore something until it goes away then deal with when and if it doesn't.
All these and more led me right back to the INSTEP rejection not so long ago. Was I ready for the temporary uproot? It would of course be an adventure. Don't everyone love an adventure? Don't everyone grow from their adventure? So easy to question yourself, the decisions and the fates God dealt, but having answers seems ...
Do things really happen for a reason?I miss those carefree days.Labels: deep, me, mine
post-valentine heartbreak
Rejected from INSTEP. Gawd. Dreams, hopes and fantasies dashed. Places to go, people to see. Not.
I'm feeling a mixed cauldron of emotions. Overwhelmed by the sheer amount of them, but not the intensity of each of them. Regret, grieve, sad, lost, jealous, envy, disappointment, resentment and a tiny bit of relief. It's like my mind is too busy feeling all these emotions that it can't process and categorize them individually.
An opportunity forever lost. I'll never know what it feels like. I'll never get to live it. I'll never get another shot.
It feels like my pet died.
And it really seems apt at this moment to make some crazy declaration like I want a reset button on my university life. The whole past two years. INSTEP, GSS, work&travel, give tuition, try at being a relief teacher, work. I wanted to do it all. It's dismal, least to say, whenever I reflect upon how many of those stuffs I actually did. Time always seem to fly by. But really, how long ago did that excuse expire from its usefulness?
Just another heartache on my chest.Don't stop. Never stop. Live life to the fullest; don't walk, run. Don't look, jump. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop because if it happens, it happens. Gravity happens to the best of us. What's the worse it could happen? At least one doesn't have to wonder about what ifs and what nots. If I were out right now, right now, feeling this melancholy, I would get drunk just to feel a slight better about myself and there would be no other better time than now to get the carpe diem ink.
Enough of the pity party already. Cry, and move on already. There are worse things in life than losing out a spot for INSTEP. It's not the end of the world. Maybe 2012 but not the world. Dear me, pick up the slack, get it over and done with.
Pull the fucking gpa up, freaking drag it if I have to.
Labels: deep, me, mine
boy, you got my heartbeat running away
On the verge (or cliff, really) of an eggciting journey. It's growing up. Waking up one day and realize hey going to school isn't going to be the same ever again. Wanting more from your life, and your friends. Not knowing where Life would take you. Having dreams but no real means of fulfilling them. Not yet anyway but it'll happen. Today, I feel like
21.
Change is happening. Embrace it. Or not.
Like they said, a thousand mile journey begins with a single (baby) step. Or at least I like this phrasing better since I would be like (at least) hundreds of miles away sometime, seven months later. Epiphanies are good for the soul. Next thing you know, I would have inked
carpe diem on my forearm. Not quite ready to take
that plunge yet.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try
To fix you.Labels: deep, me
Dear Me (five years in the future)
Blogging today in post-xmas;
it's not something new to me, the feeling that something is amiss, or the festive seasons themselves getting more stale. I'm not sure which. Or whether it's part of growing up and growing old. Almost everything seems to fall back on a routine, a pattern if you may. Patterns and routines are good, familiar. I don't know when
it happened but it did.
Every year, I can't help but feel something is ... missing, lack of better word. It's not lacking but missing, you know. Maybe it's the result of too many Hollywood influences; too many drama series and movies with their happy endings and perfect white christmas. Not forgetting the gazillion fiction books that I frequently indulge in. It's not that I'm not happy, it's that I just feel somewhat detached, apart, separate from the crowd.
I want a xmas or cold wintry day spent by the fireplace, fire blazing woods burning exuding warmth. Making snow angels in the white (duh) pristine snow, drinking hot cocoa, having someone preferably The One to cuddle with and maybe a Lab Retriever lying down on my feet (if at that time I feel like responsibility).
Dear me in the future, would you look back upon this moment, and smile in secret bliss or sigh in regret? Or worse, become cynical and jaded no longer believing in happy endings?
Light up light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear.Labels: deep, me
Melb here I come!
It's amazing what you can accomplished if you set your mind to it, and make a little effort to realize your expectations, to make it work. I hate waking up, ever since the exams period. So I woke up an hour early in case I needed to snooze. Better be prepared then leave it to chance, that's my motto. So anyway, woke up with time to spare and everything, hope I get that data entry job at dwg so I can halt my resume spamming. But for now, the continuation of RS.
After that dwg interview which ended with an ominous "we'll contact you", I went dhoby to get a haircut, take photo for resume, buy jeans in no particular order. Those were the leftover tasks I set out to do ever since exams ended. Blew 70bucks at Cotton On, really, I don't know why I always get suckered by their sales sign when everytime I buy, there's no discount on my items. Got jeans at Fox for 60 which was I think okay when compared with Levi's. Andandand got my haircut at Chapter Two. Say hello to bangs, baby. My hairstylist kept trying to engage me in conversation. Is that the norm or what? Cos up till now, I always faithfully like a dog go back to my old one which I always bitch abt their product afterwards. It took me wow 21 years to say, well I had enough. I'll prolly go to chap 2 from now, not like they're damn good but the expectation don't fall far from the result. The girl at the counter had a really cool tattoo with stars design on her hand and I asked her whether it hurt. She said ya but it's bearable. Inside I was like, duh, and I felt like asking her what's her pain threshold. :/
Total damage: a whopping $170. Ah the perils of having a credit card. It's like those things where you have a love/hate relationship with. I'm going bankrupt. Need a job need a job need a job. (If I keep chanting, would I get one?)
Well, I guess this is it for now. Need to get back to packing luggage. Toodles! Hope I get a job and a tuition assignment when I next blog. XX
Labels: deep
Pack Rat
Today begins.
What better way than that to start with packing away the old? I don't really know why it took me two years into university to realize that hey why the hell am I still keeping my h1 physics amongst stuffs like chemistry lab reports. I have several guesses, one of which would be, the two years in NYJC was unbelievably the best two years of education, ever. The people, the environment, the teachers. Throwing away the tangible bits and pieces seemed to distant myself away from the memories.
And I never did know the extent of my packiness till today. In the process of of dumping all those useless stufs, I'm damn amazed by how hard I did mug in JC even though it didn't feel like it. It was one of those hindsight being 20/20 things in life. And wow the amount of rough paper I got out of that stack was unbelievable. Like enough to last me the next semester. I feel prepared already.
Today's short day. Slept at 0404, and woke up barely seven hours later, and not feeling the least bit tired. Not having to wake up to alarms is sucha luxurious feeling. And caught Fast Five with my mom today. And was blown away. Heart pumping action from start till the end. Best fast and furious movie ever!
Labels: deep
Empty
This is a weird feeling.
Clock reads 0217 and not only am I not feeling tired, I'm feeling a sort of restlessness in my soul. I just had my last paper today and the previous paper was on monday. So technically I had almost three days to study for it. I wonder if it's me or that's how everybody thinks, pass/fail only what, don't need to study much since really, it's just a matter of passing.
Throughout these almost three days, I was more off than i was on. Maybe it was the combination of having three days (equating to lots of time), pass/fail grade, and the feeling of an already screwed up semester that i just couldn't be bothered already. I woke up strangely with a 315 question stuck in my head, yesterday and I googled the formula. Anyway the 315 paper was -.- unexpectedly different from previous years which don't make sense since it was the same lecturer and all but all that matters is that if I can't do it, I hoped other people couldn't either. This sucks. I'm not sure when I had this kinda mentality developed but it's pretty much stuck in my psyche. What a horrible horrible mentality. So uninspiring it's scaring me.
Back to that out of nowhere question that popped in my head, strangely, after I googled, I was kinda relieved that no I didn't remember the formula wrongly, then almost simultaneously, the relief melted and I was like it doesn't really matter not that I knew how to apply. How did this dejected feeling come by? Like damn. When did I change? Was i ever like that? Again this sucks. Finding a part of me that I didn't really like.
So after all the ranting, I feel strangely empty for some reason. It's like there are no more distractions to indulge in now that exams are over. There's no elation over anything. Sure there are movies, music, melbourne, and some other day to day things to busy myself with. But are they meaningful? Is this holiday going to be just like any previous holiday that just zoomed by without me doing anything constructive or contributing to somebody in some meaningful way? I'm 21 this year, apart from not liking to do voluntary charity, I do have a heart that bleeds red. I don't want my legacy to be as uneventful as a blank piece of paper. I mean I even went by the library to get my usual zing, and for once, in a long long time, the library felt kinda foreign to me, of all people.
After reading the blogs of my friends who still blogs, I just feel small. Insignificant. Like one of them just went Australia to study for a good two to three years. Her thoughts are well penned down, and it's like I understand where she's coming from and I really really admire her for the courage to just up and go. Sure it's just temporary, but to uproot all you know to a new country? That takes courage and strength. The kinds of qualities I'm still figuring if I have it in me to take the similar but shorter 6 months plunge. Another has a dad hospitalized and has doctors telling them that his time is almost up. This again, I can somewhat empathize with. Not so long ago, actually kinda just before exams, my mom was recommended to seek a brain specialist because her pituitary gland was deformed. This shocking news had me crying for three nights consecutively in my room. I was taking psychology this sem, and the knowledge of learning about brain and its functions, and the possibility of a screwed up operation was suddenly turning into reality for me. I just couldn't handle that. It's just, my mom and the possibility of her not living past my getting married, or even getting a boyfriend? I mean I always knew the world was unfair, but did God really had to take my mom from me? For a while i was damn pissed and motivated. To give my mom what she would have had if the diagnosis was right. At the same time, i put on a strong front when I was crumbling inside. Because who else is going to be strong for me? And because I didn't know how not to be strong, and let people in. At the same time, I didn't understood why my sister and brother were just so unfeeling compared to me. Maybe my sister was already independent and that her ties weren't that strong. But that didn't make sense for my brother, who relies on my mom for everything. It didn't make sense. Nothing did for a short while until thankfully, I accompanied mom to that fateful trip to the specialist where I heard what the doc had to say. Meanwhile she is scheduled to do more tests in order to get a complete picture but the brain specialist did assure that the shape of the pituitary gland was not an issue if it doesn't affect her functions. I'm mostly hopeful when the results come in next month.
The thing is; I am 21. But what have I done so far in my life? What have I achieved? Nothing memorable, nothing significant. Mediocre all the way. Napoleon conquered Italy by the age of 26. For a realist, I sure as hell can't compare to Napoleon, but there must be something on the same significance that I can do and will do.
What I'm saying now is that I'm not letting this slide any longer. time to wake up from the dreamy state I've been drifting through life, and start taking back the reins over what's mine and should have been mine.
Today begins.
Labels: deep
oh fcuk
Psychology was a stunner. Before today I was still rather relieved. After today fml. Omggg made like 25m worth of careless mistakesssss for cal paper. My life is ruinedddd. It's not like I didn't study for it, I did but what the hell is with the careless mistakes idk. Don't give a damn now actually, except it better not rear its head ever again. First biz fin midterm, now this. It's like a fog going into my mind taking up temporary residence. This sem sucks balllllssssss. Please please let me grossly underestimate myself. Seriousllllyyyyy. This sem is damn fuckup. Next sem is gonna be strictly chionging from day 1. Omgggggg
070511 the bitter taste of disappointment, failure and defeat.
SALVAGE is the word for today and the days following till 19 May. No more regrets.
Gimme a B, dear God.
Argh. I hate hate hate losinggg. Tsk okay enough crying over split milk, agonizing over what's done. Sigh take a deep breath, dinner, MUG.
Labels: deep
Cause of death: Overcalculus-ed
OMG sooooo dead.
Now, strangely, the situation has reversed since midterms. I'm a-okay with 315 and now having probs with 212. FML.
I hate this sem. ):
Thank the Lord, Mom's mostly okay.
Labels: deep
This Semester
Has been really crazy. First I took on two project-based mod, both non-examinable but equally if not more time-consuming than a typical module. One pass/fail (entrepreneurship if anyone is interested) and HW102a (compulsory mod). I'm pretty thankful that I have had team members who faithfully did their parts, and in the first; a really great team leader who not only did his part but also helped everyone in their respective part. I learnt quite a bit from these two modules, and prolly do not regret taking them two simultaneously.
The rest of the modules were pretty normal. Psychology didn't fail my expectations although the fact that the freaking mean and median for midterm were so high was a bit taunting but nevertheless, I have decided to give it all I've got. As for biz fin, damn disappointing. I just hope I didn't make the wrong decision. I'm going to be damn pissed however, if the same shit happens like in HP802. 2 more S/Us to go. It's like a drug; once you start, it's not easy to get off the bandwagon. Would not recommend using unless 100% sure.
I had a list of mostly cons to rationalize my decision; first being midterm totally screwed me up. If not for the !@#$% score, I wouldn't even be entertaining s/u; I mean no one would if they were on equal footing. Second being, not enough time to study, really. Now that we have two weeks left, a miracle is not going to be forthcoming no matter how desperately needed. It's not like I didn't study for it anyway. It's too damn fucking demoralizing to see your efforts go to waste.
The RMI minor, well... I might have been too optimistic about it. If I take it away from the equation, I'm still hopeful about being able to carry out my plan in graduating in 3.5years and going for exchange in the 4th year.
I have had enough disappointments this semester to last me an entire year. That said, time to put all these shit down and look forward. Time to divert all resources onto what matters.
After all that has been said and done; would it be terribly selfish if I hope the biz fin finals wouldn't be easy?
Labels: deep
My Life Is A Rumble Pile Of Mess
What if my best is not enough.
This sem officially sucks.
Fuck it. S/U I shall.
Labels: deep
Hello Moto (Hi Beckham!)
In hindsight, I did probably make too hasty a decision in buying the Moto Milestone 2. Okay wait, no probably about it. Not only is it difficult to navigate, most things got screwed. One, I had to create a gmail. Second, I almost couldn't access blogger cos Google combined my original hotmail acc that I used to blog with the new gmail I created. Third, battery life is damn short. Fourth, camera sucks. What 5MP. Liar liar pants on fire please.
What was I thinking? Changing to Moto when I've always been a steady SE (cybershot) loyal fan. I should have known. It was $1 afterall. Good things don't come cheap. A lesson learnt.
I am damn annoyed now. Not only am I behind schoolwork, I have biz fin test to mug for this friday. Which I cut class for and wanted to start once I got home, but Moto decided otherwise. WTF man. Sian ttm. There's this (slight) possibility that I might get scammed by the aussie ETA thing. Andandand, had a double dose of hits when i got back my midterm results for 212 and 315.
My life sucks. Seriosuly. What's up with this sem? First, scored below average for psych 101, then wayyy below average for 212 and 315. Please please don't screw my finals. God. Can't wait for all these crap to be over and done with.
My life is a rumble of mess.Labels: deep
happy ending withdrawal
Hi i'm an addict for happy endings.
I'm like 30% sure it's an actual disease with syndromes and all. The whole package. So much so that I feel restless without having a book in my hand. The only solution is to succumb.
Which I did. I couldn't take it after mm about 2-3 weeks since my last book. I like to think it was the latter so it meant at least I gave it a good fight. Seriously the plan was to read my lecture notes to and fro on the journey to school which shockingly takes up 1/8 of an entire day. I sleep for 7hours per day, and there goes 10 hours already. Plus I spend a typically substantial of time in school which makes about 6.5 hours on average. Leaving what 7.5h and after minus-ing the nua-ing time, teevee time, fb time, it's no wonder I pretty much have no time to do my tutorials.
At the start of the new sem, after a few days of boredom, I decided why not like what harm would it do since I didn't have tests, exams or anything urgent. Then it went on and on like a cycle I couldn't break out of, not that I wanted to. Then it escalated into an addiction. But I asked myself, how bad would it be? Comparing drugs and reading books, obviously the latter wins hands down.
And it's so amazingly pitiful that I'm making excuses for myself.
Oh God.
I need help.Do they even have AA for this?
Labels: deep
the little things we take for granted
Sound. Music. The joy of listening, hearing.
Saw a pair of hearing impaired guys on the the way to school. I'm not sure if one would wonder how exactly I spotted them. They obviously don't hang a tag around their necks that says, "Hi, I'm deaf."
The thing was, they were just like any other ordinary 30plus working adults. If not for the rapid signs they were making with their hands, I would have taken one uninterested look and went back to my story book. Couldn't help but notice one of them had a wedding band on his finger.
Then it hit me. I'm not sure which is worse: being born with a hearing handicap or having some traumatic experience that resulted in hearing loss. The latter could be argued as the worser scenario because we all know how losing something as natural as breathing feels. And coping with the aftermath; the sudden loss of sound in your life, the sudden bleakness without sounds, the emptiness literally translates to white space. It's almost like you're living in a whole new dimension where silence reigns. Either way, both cases make you cherish the things that you have without a doubt, all your lives taken for granted. At least it was that way for me. And that you come to a single conclusion that they are all strong.
Survivors.
Yesterday, the psychology stand-in tutor brought in a good point. As society evolves, financial situations that picked up and etc... came the rise of PETA-alike groups. Pro-human, pro-animals, anti-cruelty you get the picture. In a way, it's shows how involved we are about our environment, like how concerned we get for our fellow beings and yada yada yada a sign of our human evolution, where not only the strongest survive, but they lend a helping hand of all sorts to the weaker. Humanity at its peak.
However, as to everything, there are both sides of the coins to consider. On the flip side, with all the PETA-alike groups around, while it's good and all, it somewhat hastens our scientific advancements in the general medical field. Without the experimenting on animals which possess some similar human genes, how in the world are we supposed to come up with new technology, medicines and the what-nots that would work with no ill effects? Like I'm not saying how I agree that animals don't possess the ability to think and thus in a way are beneath us and don't deserve to live, it's just sacrifices have to be made for the greater good, is it not? Expandables collateral damages in the greater scheme of things. Which explains the relative lack of new advancements in this age in a roundabout way.
Bet you never thought about so much in a single day. Psychology: the study of why we do what we do, totally brings out the thinker in me.
Labels: deep
You had me at hello (:
Okay not like I have a bf. ): But I heard that line on the radio and I was like awesomee!!
Anyway. I feel like a stalker on fb. But its not my fault they were/are exhibitionists. 'nuff said man. I shouldn't have sounded so defensive. You know like you follow or (ahem stalk) certain people on fb, and through their photos and all you kinda get to know them but not really know them. Wouldn't it be a joke if one day you all crossed paths and like you said hey, and they're like do I know you. And you go like I saw all your photos on fb! And they go OMG stalker!! And ran off. Or called the police. This is what facebook does man. The 6 degree of separation? We are now all one single click away.
Speaking on the same note, THANK GOD for facebook and awesome honest people in NTU!! Lost or rather left my Coach wallet in lt1A after defence science lecture. I didn't even know I lost it till Lingmei told me on fb. Seriously, until now I can't figure out how it slipped out. I didn't even take it out. All I did was like take and bag and throw it on the ground, several times. Lingmei's friend(s) picked it up. I had all my ID inside so it was easy to find out who the wallet belonged to. The incredible thing was (not only were they honest) they were super uber ultra resourceful!! They facebook-ed me. Lol. And found a mutual friend who did the rest of the job by contacting me and returning it to me afterwards.
I had my IC, several credit cards, ATM, nets card, cash, matric card and various valuable stuffs and I'm really really grateful they found it and returned it to me. (: I wouldn't have know what to do otherwise. Replacing all those cards would be a goddamn chore.
I think I'm not gonna apply for INSTEP this sem. Wrong time wrong place. Need to pull up my gpa, and yr3 sem1 is out because I don't wanna spend my 21st alone in a foreign country no matter how glamorous that may be, and yr3 sem2 is kinda rushed for me cos I have my IA during the semester break, which means I gotta rush back to sg and the applying to companies thing? I wouldn't even be able to concentrate on playing/travelling/chilling/relaxing/doing what I want/enjoying my time in wherever I happened to be. So year 4 sem 1 it is. Meanwhile I'd do my compulsory mods and the ones that really interest me.
Good plan bad plan? Time will tell.
Labels: deep
so over it
Feeling wayy too mellowed out for the second day of the new semester. I spent my morning listening to reminiscing music, playing wheel of fortune, thinking in general.
Whether Statistics was a right choice, whether to apply for INSTEP (ongoing thought), whether I can graduate in time, whether I can handle a workload of 22AUs consisting of 2 non examinable core modules that instead have plenty of projects, whether so many other things and what-ifs.
Oh did I forget to mention I've decided to skip school today? Lol seriously. One 1h lecture?! I spend 3x of that just to travel to and fro so thanks but no thanks.
Back to thinking. Reflecting. Staring into space. Zoning out. Thinking. (and the cycle repeats.)
Labels: deep
first ever productive day
Not counting those where I stayed in my room the entire day with a single mindedness to clear my drama series and various movies. Of course.
Did 3 timetable plans for the next sem. So taxing on my since 20th may-have-shrunk-to-a-pea-sized brain. Decisions decisions. Can't live with them and can't live without them. All the make your own bed so lie in it thang.
I'm so bored that I actually started looking for a temp temp job. I know I kept bitching about the fact that hols are so short and etc, but feels so long now. And it's only been a week. Not that I want the new sem to start just yet, but I just want to do something to make it worth my while you know. Not waste time and slack at home be a full-time couch potato. I want to look back upon these university years and pat myself on the back, saying I haven't wasted my time. Earning spare cash would open many doors like saving for rainy day, investing in retail therapy, come in handy for all the overseas tripsss in my mind and the guitar I'd wanted to buy and learn how to play andandand you know, the never-ending list.
And like I told C,
20 is the time of our lives. The peak, the part where we live dangerously, recklessly and spontaneously, the time where consequences don't exist in our dictionary. Seriously, after university, everything's gonna go downhill, or at least less of whatever cool/fun stuffs we have going for us now. Everything we do now will be and should be nothing but fond memories to look back on. The part where we look back in ten years and think, embarrassing, cliche but good times.
Even when I have a party planned at my place tmr (sorta anyway), my fickleness is making itself known again. 91.3 has a countdown @ ACM that sounds pretty cool. Oh gosh.
(anyway)
Cheers.
Labels: 20, deep, new year resolution?
Here we go...
Come with me,
There's a world outside that we should see
Take my hand,
Close your eyes
With you right here,
Imma rocketeer.Awesome song by Far East Movement who also brought the annoying song Like a G6. Until I caught the mtv, I didn't realised the band members consisted of Asians. Notice I didn't say awesome mv, because it frankly wasn't. I was amazed by the male lead's skateboarding pros though.
Live for something, rather then die for nothing.
-George Patton
Not sure who George Patton is, but it's trueee right, living is so much more than mere existing. After a brief sprint down the memory lane, I realized 20 years of existing is enough. Time to live a little. Okay, so what if, I'll never get a Nobel, never get featured in headlines, or you know the yada yada stuffs that one knows naturally is beyond one's reach (like never get a date with Zac Efron), unless they're simpletons or possess unbelievable naivety. The Zac Efron eg was to illustrate that I'm neither.
Which got me thinking. Life should be more than just plotting of steps to reach your goals. Life isn't predictable, a gamble some might say. Plans are just what they are, plans - steps to reach your goals in your mind. Plans don't always work out. Everyone has the same odds dealt against them, no amount of planning would tilt the odds towards you. Time to live a little. More impromptu actions instead of logical analysis. Let Life take you on a journey where destination is anyone's guess.
Life's not fun, if it's predictable, aye? We'll just be droids, mindless of our actions, doing the same routine everyday.
They always ask in interviews, if you could change one thing in your life, what would it be? I used to think about what I'd change but now I don't. Because what's the point in thinking when it's impossible? Say if it's possible (which doesn't sound as unlikely as it is, since I've learnt black holes warp time and space in astronomy. But given technology, it's tough having to manufacture a machine that possesses the black hole-like concept, and to control it.) there would still be an issue of grandfather paradox.
However, if I were to die tommorrow, I'll book myself a one-way ticket to Paris, the city of amour. In my mind, that's the next best thing after falling in love. But since the latter is impossible to accomplish in one day, Paris is definitely top-notch choice. Falling in love is like one of the must-do's in life. I already experienced the family kind of love, besides.
Saving all these deep thinking of another day.
Time to get back into the holiday mugging program I set up. 8h and counting, and I only got one item out of da seriously-speaking-easily-exhausted list. zzzzzz
Labels: deep
right through you
Hanging out a fb on a frequent basis recently has made me realized how much my friends/acquaintances whatev changed since I knew them. Seriously. If I were to walk past them on the streets, I'll prolly look right through half of them and not give a shit.
Is this supposed to happen? Like part of the growing process? Is this what they mean by friends coming and going and shit? I just feel... Disappointed, I supposed. I mean, it totally contradicts the whole making friends concept. Making friends = staying in contact, no?
Feeling way too melodramatic after the 211 midterm. /:
biz law makeup awaitssss.
Labels: deep
I make the good girls go bad
Damn I never succeed in resisting temptation. Even after setting clear boundaries. Shitshitshit. How can my determination be overwritten so easily? God.
I see them and my persistence go kaput like it has never been. Sheesh. How can I feel proud and disappointed simultaneosuly I'll never understand.
The mind is willing but the body is weak. Sigh.
Labels: deep
