Silence Speaks

Yesterday's history

It's been so long since I last really sat down to blog. Not that I ever did it standing by... But you know what I mean.

Yesterday was the end of my 2 month casual employment contract at XXX. Dec was quite the snafu because I knew they needed people and I responded to that. There were not one but a few hiccups along the way. And despite all that, I was quite desperate to get out of the house and do something productive, earn some money that sort of thing. I wouldn't say I regret taking the job up, because I did picked up some things and there were some good people, and amongst the basket of apples, there are bound to have some rotten ones but because a job is a job is a job (quote Gertrude Stein) there was also some saikang to deal with.

Honestly speaking after the first day, I felt HR wasn't my thang. But I decided oh wells I should give it more of a try instead of a halfhearted effort. By the end of the first week, it really wasn't my cup of tea. Maybe in another organization things might be different but I'm not up to taking that kind of risks with my future.

Doing this 2 month long gig taught me quite a bit apart from HR. I was pleasantly surprised by myself and my tenacity and persistence although some of it was out of fulfilling obligations. The moment I signed the contract some time during the first week, constantly at the back of my mind was the escape clause. That I only needed to give my employer 24h of notice before the termination of the contract. I'm quite shocked that I managed to stay till the end. There were good days and there were bad days. Towards the end, my heart was feeling light. The thing running through my mind like a broken record was - "almost out of this hellhole". It wasn't that bad though.

This was my first foray into the working environment after the summer internship last year. And I'm pretty glad for the experience as it taught me a different set of people skills. The kind that can only be cultivated after interaction with real people and those people, the kind that no amount of theory can teach. The different sides you reveal to different people. The different sides you hide from different people. The different masks you put on for different people. In a way, I felt the loss of part of my innocence.

At the same time I was also disillusioned by the working life. One really needs to manage his or her time well when stepping into the working society. So many things can get overlooked or passed on if one doesn't make the effort. Family for one. And friendships for another. Work is like an infinite load that keeps on coming. There wouldn't be a day whereby it doesn't. I cannot emphasize enough the need and importance to adjust priorities.

This quote by Antonio Gramsci really spoke to me; "The challenge of modernity is to live without illusions and yet without becoming disillusioned." Living without illusions but not being disillusioned. The precise and yet precarious  balance.

posted by wantington-ny @ 11:31 PM