Silence Speaks

post-valentine heartbreak

Rejected from INSTEP. Gawd. Dreams, hopes and fantasies dashed. Places to go, people to see. Not.

I'm feeling a mixed cauldron of emotions. Overwhelmed by the sheer amount of them, but not the intensity of each of them. Regret, grieve, sad, lost, jealous, envy, disappointment, resentment and a tiny bit of relief. It's like my mind is too busy feeling all these emotions that it can't process and categorize them individually.

An opportunity forever lost. I'll never know what it feels like. I'll never get to live it. I'll never get another shot.

It feels like my pet died.

And it really seems apt at this moment to make some crazy declaration like I want a reset button on my university life. The whole past two years. INSTEP, GSS, work&travel, give tuition, try at being a relief teacher, work. I wanted to do it all. It's dismal, least to say, whenever I reflect upon how many of those stuffs I actually did. Time always seem to fly by. But really, how long ago did that excuse expire from its usefulness?

Just another heartache on my chest.

Don't stop. Never stop. Live life to the fullest; don't walk, run. Don't look, jump. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop because if it happens, it happens. Gravity happens to the best of us. What's the worse it could happen? At least one doesn't have to wonder about what ifs and what nots. If I were out right now, right now, feeling this melancholy, I would get drunk just to feel a slight better about myself and there would be no other better time than now to get the carpe diem ink.

Enough of the pity party already. Cry, and move on already. There are worse things in life than losing out a spot for INSTEP. It's not the end of the world. Maybe 2012 but not the world. Dear me, pick up the slack, get it over and done with. Pull the fucking gpa up, freaking drag it if I have to.

Labels: deep, me, mine

posted by wantington-ny @ 2:11 AM