Dear Me (five years in the future)
Blogging today in post-xmas;
it's not something new to me, the feeling that something is amiss, or the festive seasons themselves getting more stale. I'm not sure which. Or whether it's part of growing up and growing old. Almost everything seems to fall back on a routine, a pattern if you may. Patterns and routines are good, familiar. I don't know when
it happened but it did.
Every year, I can't help but feel something is ... missing, lack of better word. It's not lacking but missing, you know. Maybe it's the result of too many Hollywood influences; too many drama series and movies with their happy endings and perfect white christmas. Not forgetting the gazillion fiction books that I frequently indulge in. It's not that I'm not happy, it's that I just feel somewhat detached, apart, separate from the crowd.
I want a xmas or cold wintry day spent by the fireplace, fire blazing woods burning exuding warmth. Making snow angels in the white (duh) pristine snow, drinking hot cocoa, having someone preferably The One to cuddle with and maybe a Lab Retriever lying down on my feet (if at that time I feel like responsibility).
Dear me in the future, would you look back upon this moment, and smile in secret bliss or sigh in regret? Or worse, become cynical and jaded no longer believing in happy endings?
Light up light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear.Labels: deep, me
slightly antic
Anticipative & anticlimatic at the same time.
All that dreading and hoping and stomach cramping and trying not to think, mostly was for naught. I can't believe after 5 sems of this thang and I still get trapped in the rabbit hole. Seriously though, every semester feels like a new one, except after the very first sem, you get used to the residual guilt accumulated from previous sems. And I for one, am the type to forget almost everything in the past semester. So every semester literally means a new semester.
One more week to actual revealing of examination grades. But thankfully, cgpa gave me something to look forward to.
Soooo not looking forward to 9th. Say hello (dreadfully) to 4xmorning (inclusive of one 0830) classes and goodbye to pretty much a keep calm and stay cool time.
to hell and back
Shit. This sums up my entire week. Late nights or shall I say early mornings, and even later mornings which are actually midafternoons at best? Look at what time I'm blogging jeez.
Didn't even get around to getting a winter job when Classifieds keep mysteriously disappear. And I barely step out of my room much less the house unless you count getting meals. Buttt I did finished like at least five movies, caught up to three of my fave drama (Chuck, lost girl & vamp diaries) while finishing a new drama, Suits within a span of a single day and finishing a dozen of ebooks and real books.
Where did the time gooo? Goodness I feel like I'm wasting my youth. Crap what am I saying? I
am wasting my youth.
Feel so exhausted mentally and physically out of a sudden. This must be the being-21-epiphany W talked about the other time. Oh nooo.
Labels: me
i think i'm...
Insomniac.
Spent a lot of time tossing and turning last night. Maybe it was due to the pressure of not waking up in time for STARS. Only God knows why. Have been having late nights waking up to late mornings, really I meant afternoons. No reason for not sleeping early and at the same time no reason for waking up early hence the screwed up body clock.
STARS was heart stomping and heart wrecking as usual. Ended up making a last minute decision to swap all my indexes to drop one core and add another. Added four electives, I know kiasu much. And I'm thinking of dropping one UE that I'm quite keen on in favor of Spanish because I want my exams to end earlier and hopefully join my parents on that 2 week Europe. Sighs
Why can't the world go round on my clock?
postexams
Downer. Only the third day, and I've already succumbed to watching teevee. Nothing wrong with the traditional broadcast media I suppose, but to stay at home after all the grand plans I thought I had made... at this moment I'm like whattt grand plans.
Oh well. At least I had some qualityy time with my sissy who was on leave. We practically played this game every night, see who gets to wake up first in the morning. Which I think we were on par overall. Sleeping at 2ish 3 every night and waking up after 12 and having two meals a day.
There has gotta be more to life than this.
50/50
Ended the 4-month movie fast on the last day of exams with a bang.
If the odds of survival for undergoing an operation to remove a cancerous lump is 50%, would you take the leap? I like the analogy that Karl used, if you were at the casino man, this would be terrific odds. It just resonated with me for a number of reasons, a) gambling process in stochastic processes hahahaha b) the way of looking/perceiving odds is actually rather contextual-based. At the end of the day, it depends on how one looks at it, and not whether if you're the gambling sort of person.
Anyway the movie was loosely based on real life, and knowing it could happen to anybody is really not surprising I would say but more of like a wake-up call. I can die, you can die, everyone dies. The difference is how and when.
And I can't believe my tutee fired me through sms. I mean hello? Where's the basic decency? I hope she fails her exams. Sheesh. I know I know kinda vindicative of me, but a scorpio holds grudges okay. But seriously sheesh. It certainly puts a damper and a dent on my (exchange $$) plans.
Last night was horrible. A 9am morning paper (today), for the last paper no less, means I had to wake up at 6am. My earliest class this semester was 1030! In preparation for you know possible obstacles to hinder my usually efficient transportation schedule, the alarm was set at 545. Laid down on the bed around 12ish, and I'm pretty sure I didn't get to lalaland till an hour later min. Which gave me a total of abt 4ish hours of sleep. Wanted to set myself a challenge to "beat the sunrise, sleep can wake", no really, just survive 24h without sleep to see if I can, but I can't. Already my eyes are close to turning the lights off and the brain is only half-funnctioning at best.
Good night, world. Finally, no waking up to alarms!!
