You've been my steady companion for more than ten years. You've been there when there were tears, exhilaration, joy and regrets. Happy times, sad times, you were always there with your soothing presence. Through dreams and nightmares, you're always there, my rock that keeps me rooted to reality. You've done a terrific job keeping me warm during cold nights, being a perfect snuggle buddy when I needed something to snuggle with and for just being there night after night.
It's never easy saying goodbye. I just want you to know that if it were up to me, I'd never throw you away or replace you with some other blankie. Worn out or stitches undone, I wish there was a way to keep some part of you with me. No one will ever take your place. You're that irreplaceable. I guess at this point, I just wanna say a thank you.
A dwarf in an ocean of giants on the friday morning sardine-packed peak nel train. At certain points, I felt kinda light headed due to lack of fresh air. Like seriously.
Human walls surrounding me, closing in, pressing closer... Drama much?
"My world is wider than the www." Big words to match your actions by. All I need is an ON switch.
Heady sensation. Brilliant motivator. Greed never far behind.
I sound like some LOTR philosopher. Lol. Anyway, I uninstalled Norman just for you, FS. Hope you're worth it. But good to have you back nevertheless.
I don't know whether to be insulted or not when the Toto auntie didn't check my ID or even ask abt my age. It's like oie, I look that old meh? Being an adult or even looking like one gives one an inexplicable sense of power. Like a kid discovering a new toy.
Anyway Toto is such a lameo game. It' like the odds are not only stacked against you, they are stacked in such a way that you don't really profit despite the term sudden windfall. Imagine years and years of betting, just for the infinitely small chance of winning, and when you do, what are the chances that you will cover all your capital and actually profit at the end of the day? It's crazy the way they play with the odds. Be smart, people. You will never win against the house. It's like the unwritten law of gambling.
Swamped swamped swamped and swamped. Project x2, tutorials x8 since I haven't been doing (lol in a not really funny way), revision x99999999999, readings x120+pages, drama series x9999999. Really.
Everyone thinks I have it all But it's so empty living behind these castle walls (these castle walls) If I should tumble, if I should fall Would anyone hear me screaming behind these castle walls There's no one here at all, behind these castle walls.
I need sleep more than I need anything. So yup I've decided. I'm giving in to the inevitable. No point torturing myself. 3 days of waking up early is a gawddamn chore. No one above the age of 20 should be subjected to this brand of horrors.
Seriously. I tried yo. Call it coincidence or fate but I call it an intervening sign from the higher powers that it's not meant to be. I got rid of all my distractions (fb, hotmail, the necessary evils) by indulging of course. How else would they leave you alone? So I tried. Ain't my fault that the stupid electure hung up at slide 7. I tried refreshing of course. I didn't want to, but I had to try. I didn't want to feel the guilt you see.
My bed is beckoningggg... Tomorrow would seem like a better day when I have my eight.
The thing about fantasy is, it's temporary. It fizzles after a short period of time, which of course depends on how deluded you are. At this point, I suddenly have this scene in my mind: Jude Law's ending scene in Repo Man where he was physically a vegetable and lived on a drug induced fantasy in his mind. I take back my words. I don't want to be stuck in fantasy! Reality works better.
Enough with the musings. Tasks check: okay apart from the week 1 catching up that I gotta do (and should have done), I have two online lectures, several tutorials, various readings, tonnes of research to do.
Saw a pair of hearing impaired guys on the the way to school. I'm not sure if one would wonder how exactly I spotted them. They obviously don't hang a tag around their necks that says, "Hi, I'm deaf."
The thing was, they were just like any other ordinary 30plus working adults. If not for the rapid signs they were making with their hands, I would have taken one uninterested look and went back to my story book. Couldn't help but notice one of them had a wedding band on his finger.
Then it hit me. I'm not sure which is worse: being born with a hearing handicap or having some traumatic experience that resulted in hearing loss. The latter could be argued as the worser scenario because we all know how losing something as natural as breathing feels. And coping with the aftermath; the sudden loss of sound in your life, the sudden bleakness without sounds, the emptiness literally translates to white space. It's almost like you're living in a whole new dimension where silence reigns. Either way, both cases make you cherish the things that you have without a doubt, all your lives taken for granted. At least it was that way for me. And that you come to a single conclusion that they are all strong.
Survivors.
Yesterday, the psychology stand-in tutor brought in a good point. As society evolves, financial situations that picked up and etc... came the rise of PETA-alike groups. Pro-human, pro-animals, anti-cruelty you get the picture. In a way, it's shows how involved we are about our environment, like how concerned we get for our fellow beings and yada yada yada a sign of our human evolution, where not only the strongest survive, but they lend a helping hand of all sorts to the weaker. Humanity at its peak.
However, as to everything, there are both sides of the coins to consider. On the flip side, with all the PETA-alike groups around, while it's good and all, it somewhat hastens our scientific advancements in the general medical field. Without the experimenting on animals which possess some similar human genes, how in the world are we supposed to come up with new technology, medicines and the what-nots that would work with no ill effects? Like I'm not saying how I agree that animals don't possess the ability to think and thus in a way are beneath us and don't deserve to live, it's just sacrifices have to be made for the greater good, is it not? Expandables collateral damages in the greater scheme of things. Which explains the relative lack of new advancements in this age in a roundabout way.
Bet you never thought about so much in a single day. Psychology: the study of why we do what we do, totally brings out the thinker in me.
