I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Indeed baby.
I wanna scream and shout and let it all out.
After feeling like I've been locked out of heaven since the third semester also known as the astronomy downfall sem, I've been working my ass off to pull my grades up. And it paid off!!
Feeling like I'm on cloud nine. But nope, not crashing from the high. Heheheh
Life rocks at this very moment.
The slackest semester turned out to be the best. Guilt, thanks for being a terrific motivator. Consistency really pays. But taking risks have never paid off so well. S/uing bilingualism was definitely the right choice, but wow double A for forensic science and logic and paradoxes. Thank you, Lord.
Personal best of 4.58. Seriously. I don't know what to say. 2As, 1A- and a B+. Haha oh God, I'll remember and cherish this moment forever or in a long time to come. To think I was rather nervous to check results at 0000. It has been for the best, to have made the decision to check once I woke up. It would have been impossible to sleep after getting the best news in a very long time.
Finally a second uppers. Phase 1 complete with extreme, cat-that-ate-the-canary kind of satisfaction.
Thank you, NTU and friends who have in one way or another made lessons more bearable, enjoyable and possible.
On a sidenote, time to update all the resumes and career portals with the sec uppers award. Hahahahahaha
Labels: me
Inertia & ennui
Chicken and egg. Who came first?
The very two words that really describe my strange strange predicament currently. Before the whole exams-are-over-for-good period, I was desperately wishing for the day to come. Now that it's the exams-are-over-for-good period for quite some time (3 weeks and counting), the things that I anticipated seemed to be less...
less. You know...
Grad trip postponed indefinitely unless I get a temp job till Jun which sucks.
The kind of job I'm be looking at; the field/specialization/position/relevance. So many lifechanging decisions to make.
Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the rooftop
Write it on the skyline
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them all I hoped would be
Impossible.Labels: me
First job dilemma & performance anxieties
Oh Lord. How did we go from studying to working? It’s like
you’re just beginning in training wheels and suddenly you’re flying without
them. So astonishingly abrupt. For lack of better word.
All those people who said university were supposed to train
us for the working world… Like whattt??!
Seriously I can’t be the only one feeling so … unprepared to be thrust
upon the working world. Okay so I might be the only one picturing being fed to
hungry wolves but as my title suggested dilemma and anxieties are part and
parcel of my rant today.
I used to be that little girl that dreamt of being a doctor,
a lawyer and all those posh professions as portrayed by actors in Mediacorp
shows – definitely not a coincidence that all those characters have a high
income and that they managed to live quite luxuriously. Then I went to school.
Going to school changes one’s perception of who you can be. Like wanting to be
something and actually being that something are like two wholly different
entities like day and night. Prolly linked to the high emphasis on achievement
and excellence in the school curriculum.
Jobs for fresh graduates are not exactly plentiful in Singapore
which kinda restricts the whole pursue-your-dreams thing. Beggars can’t be
choosers seem pretty appropriate. Given the high cost of investment and years
of study, a steady rate of return is wiser compared to a stale and stagnant
growth till who knows when.
Deciding which job to go for is the next dilemma. Actually
given the whole university curriculum, I pretty much got to explore my interests
fortunately and unfortunately. The former because it was way easier to study
for something that one enjoys and the amount of UEs in my degree allowed that
to happen. The latter because I have a wide range of interests which kinda made
it difficult to actually determine which one would likely be the right kind of
career choice. University math wasn’t what I expected. Okay actually that in
itself wasn’t much. Pretty much most things that I expected don’t exactly go my
way. Learning a new math module every semester except for Calculus which took
four modules and a single very investment-worthy textbook, I realized what we
learnt aren’t exactly useful. With 12 lectures for single module accompanied by
tutorials, it’s kinda hard to actually apply in real-life. Anyway my point was
that university doesn’t exactly prepare you for the working world.
So having said aplenty, the dilemma actually only became a probing
headache level after the temp job interview I had with AGO this morning. It
went well I think. But after a long day of pondering and talking with friends
and family, I’m like having second thoughts apart getting a pt job. The HR manager only mentioned that one of her
officers were leaving the service and asked if I were interested in it. I told
her frankly I don’t exactly know what the HR position is about and whether it’s
what I see myself doing.
But see, the thing is how does one actually know from the get-go
that hey this is the job that I want and this is the same job that I’m gonna
excel in. No way that’s gonna happen. Given the lack of experience, I suppose
the only option is to try and give it your all. I doubt the job
responsibilities would be at all familiar no matter what kind of jobs one goes
for, whether it’s major-related or not.
At this point I’m gonna admit point-blank that a few things
would be pluses in my book. The opportunity to travel, competitive salary and
benefits, good environment and I’ll be as happy as a lark.
And the companies that I’ve applied to are all quite
established names, and upon honest reflection, they might have plenty to offer
but not sure if it’s vice versa. Know what I mean? So while I remain cautiously
hopeful (there has to be a limit afterall), maybe it’s time to cut the baits
and stop fishing and give other jobs a chance.
We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me?
And just forget the world
Labels: me
Munich, munich
Wanted to do something really crazy for once and throw caution to the wind; to hop on sissy's flight to Munich tomorrow considering she had quite some downtime there but alas the reality of travelling by air was too costly to consider it an option.
It would have been incredibly memorable, crazy, lunatic, wonderfully awesome if that were to be successful... But it wasn't to be. For awhile, we went agog with SQ, Emirates and Zuji frantically comparing prices and all.
Having an interview with AGO for a pt job tmr. Sissy advised against pt jobs but Mom seems to approve. Oh wells. Seeing how the first jobhunt has gone thus far, a pt job with understanding bosses would go a long long way.
Things to add to the Bucket list:
- Buy an air tix and just fly
- Go on an extravagant trip (not Asia) staying in luxury hotel(s)
- Make "We'll always have Paris" -
Casablanca a reality
Labels: me
12.12.12
Tomorrow being another day and all.
It's been exactly one week since my final final. Lol
Finally got the oomph to start resume spamming in the ultimate jobhunt after the standstill my life has become. Wouldn't it be nice if we were all born knowing what we're supposed to do? Life would be oh i don't know so much smoother... Oh wells. We all do what we must.
More jobhunt tmr. & guitar hopefully.
Darling, let's be adventurers
Dear diary,
AM DONE WITH FINALS!! And the whole studying-mugging shebang! After eighteen long years of education, my time is finally mine (for a short time). Part I is over. And now some desperately needed me-time before Part II: reality intrudes into fantasy.
Feeling kinda anticlimatic this time round. Not that I was expecting fireworks or even balloons to mark my mini YAY I'M DONE WITH SCHOOL moment. This semester was kinda different. I did some things differently and procrastinated on some things as usual. I was actually enjoying myself during the mugging process and was pretty laid back and of course, took the occasional guilt trips after enjoying. Ah. Not my best moments when I fall into temptation and couldn't resist the good ol' dose of romance. Solve-all, cure-all I swear. Put all your troubles in the back burner. There's something about reading about somebody's happy ending - fiction characters they may be, that just gives you a good feeling.
Note to self: have been measuring life by climaxes lately. Not sure whether it's a good thing since there aren't many high highs in my life, but definitely a residual effect from reading too much happy endings...
Back to the anticlimatic moment. Meh. Had my last paper yesterday. Was slightly depressed and freed after the paper before, which was my only core this sem. Ignorance is bliss was our motto hence the unusual going out the way not to talk about the paper after it ended. Haha first time ever and the last time. I have this stinking feeling I'm gonna be missing studying for its predictability and carefree moments in some time to come.
Anyway, my last paper yesterday! It was a 2.5h paper, with the usual "You're not allowed to leave the exam hall until the paper is collected and blah blah" during the last fifteen minutes. I was done and satisfied with my paper at ten minutes before the time was up. So I was like quite calm and doing yoga internally, just pondering over life and how it feels like to not be a student anymore. Was watching the clock ticking by. A pity the digital clock didn't have the seconds to count down, otherwise I was sure I would have felt more, I don't know, just something more than what I did then...
Now... I'm a wood plank drifting about in the sea. Letting the ocean take me where it wants me. Letting the waves take over and recede.
Labels: me
