First job dilemma & performance anxieties
Oh Lord. How did we go from studying to working? It’s like
you’re just beginning in training wheels and suddenly you’re flying without
them. So astonishingly abrupt. For lack of better word.
All those people who said university were supposed to train
us for the working world… Like whattt??!
Seriously I can’t be the only one feeling so … unprepared to be thrust
upon the working world. Okay so I might be the only one picturing being fed to
hungry wolves but as my title suggested dilemma and anxieties are part and
parcel of my rant today.
I used to be that little girl that dreamt of being a doctor,
a lawyer and all those posh professions as portrayed by actors in Mediacorp
shows – definitely not a coincidence that all those characters have a high
income and that they managed to live quite luxuriously. Then I went to school.
Going to school changes one’s perception of who you can be. Like wanting to be
something and actually being that something are like two wholly different
entities like day and night. Prolly linked to the high emphasis on achievement
and excellence in the school curriculum.
Jobs for fresh graduates are not exactly plentiful in Singapore
which kinda restricts the whole pursue-your-dreams thing. Beggars can’t be
choosers seem pretty appropriate. Given the high cost of investment and years
of study, a steady rate of return is wiser compared to a stale and stagnant
growth till who knows when.
Deciding which job to go for is the next dilemma. Actually
given the whole university curriculum, I pretty much got to explore my interests
fortunately and unfortunately. The former because it was way easier to study
for something that one enjoys and the amount of UEs in my degree allowed that
to happen. The latter because I have a wide range of interests which kinda made
it difficult to actually determine which one would likely be the right kind of
career choice. University math wasn’t what I expected. Okay actually that in
itself wasn’t much. Pretty much most things that I expected don’t exactly go my
way. Learning a new math module every semester except for Calculus which took
four modules and a single very investment-worthy textbook, I realized what we
learnt aren’t exactly useful. With 12 lectures for single module accompanied by
tutorials, it’s kinda hard to actually apply in real-life. Anyway my point was
that university doesn’t exactly prepare you for the working world.
So having said aplenty, the dilemma actually only became a probing
headache level after the temp job interview I had with AGO this morning. It
went well I think. But after a long day of pondering and talking with friends
and family, I’m like having second thoughts apart getting a pt job. The HR manager only mentioned that one of her
officers were leaving the service and asked if I were interested in it. I told
her frankly I don’t exactly know what the HR position is about and whether it’s
what I see myself doing.
But see, the thing is how does one actually know from the get-go
that hey this is the job that I want and this is the same job that I’m gonna
excel in. No way that’s gonna happen. Given the lack of experience, I suppose
the only option is to try and give it your all. I doubt the job
responsibilities would be at all familiar no matter what kind of jobs one goes
for, whether it’s major-related or not.
At this point I’m gonna admit point-blank that a few things
would be pluses in my book. The opportunity to travel, competitive salary and
benefits, good environment and I’ll be as happy as a lark.
And the companies that I’ve applied to are all quite
established names, and upon honest reflection, they might have plenty to offer
but not sure if it’s vice versa. Know what I mean? So while I remain cautiously
hopeful (there has to be a limit afterall), maybe it’s time to cut the baits
and stop fishing and give other jobs a chance.
We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me?
And just forget the world
Labels: me
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