Silence Speaks

The next 2 years of my life...

Today's not a particularly bright day (for me). Literally it is, kinda hard to avoid the glaring sun, but of course i was talking about metaphorically.

Sent my maid back to her home in Jakarta in the morning. It just feels so surreal. Has 2 years of my life really gone past, just like that? Nothing like the cold slap of harsh reality to wake you up to the real world.

I think its mainly because this particular maid of mine has been around, the sufficient-to-say 2 most important years of my entire life - the shaping/moulding of adulthood.

She wasn't just another employee under my mom, she was more than that. Even though mom occasionally comments that she wasn't particularly bright, despite all her faults and all, she was part of the family. She was always there for me, throughout the 2 years of cockroaches/beetles/generally insects invasion; no matter the time, always there for me and my siblings like during weekends when she goes out to get breakfast for us, sometimes making 2 trips even; always there despite our many, frankly redundant requests mostly made by my sis and bro and etc.

Some of you might be wondering why the hell is she getting so melodramatic for? It's just a maid. I know, i know. But almost having had a new maid for every two years ever since primary school; how sad is it that you can't remember any of their faces? (Okay maybe one or 2 stuck by in the memory part of the brain but can you imagine?) When they shared 2 years of their life, working under your mom, for you, taking care of you that you can't recall much beyond their names? And trust me, remembering their names are no difficult feat, they mostly have similar names. Guilt, with the capital G came down on me last night.

I was determined to make some changes in my life. Having never send a maid to the airport, i made an effort to today, woke up at 7am despite sleeping at 2plus the previous night. It wasn't a teary goodbye, thankfully, i can get worked up easily these days (not my proudest trait) but yaa. Last night was more like a finale.

My bro and I were having dinner at 8plus, at the dining table. While we were midway in our meal, she came out of the kitchen with a sombre expression. She stood by the dining table, while imploring with her eyes, said her thank you's, and apologised for any past unintentional attempts at evoking our anger. I was hard pressed not to get tears welled up in my eyes. And she had tears in her eyes by the time she finished.

Although it wasn't much, i gave her a small monetary gift as my way of saying thank you. I know i may not always remember her, and her me, but having had a memory like this, for a period of time, is sufficient i think. Enough to make me feel more alive that usual.



Separations are never easy, but pain is part of the growing up process, isn't it?

posted by wantington-ny @ 4:07 PM